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Report from Ice Planet Michigan

Perhaps it is the cabin fever speaking here, but I have been a bit annoyed by all these yetis, doing their yeti things.

I went searching for my car again, which the night before was skillfuly hidden within 4 feet of frozen snow and ice.

Tonight, like the night before, I found it buried… or rather I did not find it buried, but did find it once I unburied it.

Cleaning it off again was refreshingly counter-productive – what with the yetis and all; By the time I cleared off the entire thing, the front half was covered again by yeti magic.

So, I started over, this time keeping one eye on the car, one eye on the snow-covered yeti-bushes, and the rest of them on the nearby roads;

By this point, I too, was covered, and looking dangerously similar to a “snow bank” – which people around here like to hunt for sport with their angry-bumpered SUV-mobiles, swerving back and forth in random fashion, in order to catch the unfortunate snows off guard.

In my head, I could just see myself smashed to a pulp and hanging over a Michigonian mantle, its owner scratching his ice-planet helmet-hair with a wire hanger… letting people poke at my stuffed rump with a corndog for a used hockey puck and a can of chew (twice that amount if they bear the flannel of an enemy tribe).

“I bagged this oon at aboot two o cloock”, he would say “he were mating with a femeel snow bank whoon I seens im in my windshield…”

“No… I do not want to end up in that sort of mess” I said to myself “…again”, looking left then right, and right again.

It was then that I noticed my car was once-again covered.

… Tomorrow, I buy a gun.

4 thoughts on “Report from Ice Planet Michigan

  1. I’ll go nest on the roof with my fashionable steam powered sniper refile. We’ll put moose antlers on you for bait and then wait for them damn yetis and I’ll take them out. But watch your bum. I hear those suvs can get pretty invasive.

    1. Steam power cannot harm a yeti’s hide! No, these are things from Michigan – you must confuse them with 2nd grade or higher science books, then club them over the head with a mullet-piercing art film. Then, and only then can you douse them in non-alcoholic beverages to finish the job!

  2. Jeepers. Are you on Hoth or something? You might end up on a wall next to a mounted AT-AT head. You’d be rather tiny next to it, I suppose.

    1. I am bigger than an At-At. At-ats could not live here anyway – not without a sweater.

      Hoth ain’t got shit on Ice Planet Michigan – yo.

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