Posted on


Beth is away in Michigan taking care of some cats that needed her.

I’ve been working 24 hour shifts between the comic and for-pay work, napping out for 5 hours at a time, and planting myself back here again. I felt too tired to work today, BrassGoggles forum is still down, and everything else seems rather dead – I spent part of today putting together a preview over at Some Ghouls Wander by Mistake, otherwise I have refreshed pages and email all day.

There are better paths in life to take than being an artist type. It has been years since I have been a part of the real world, always hidden away with my face planted in a canvas, or this screen; ‘always something that must be done; ‘always one more project to go before I let myself rest.

This video, beautiful as it is, pretty much meshes with my current mood. I guess I am feeling a bit down and discouraged today; It will pass.

Taken from Porphyre’s LJ, a music video for Little Dragon’s “Twice”:

Posted on

Role Models

When I was little, Michael Meyers was my hero.

I felt some sort of real connection there; I had a great deal of empathy, saw common ties between my own personal manner and ideals.

His expressionless – “actions, not words” sort of demeanor was a way, a philosophy that I could really relate to, and I really admired him for his juggernautal fortitude and relentless determination.

I felt the same way about Jason Vorhees, come to think of it.

I suppose had their victims been a bit less on the dumb and utterly vapid side of things, I might have seen these ‘monsters’ for the villains they were supposed to be, rather than the heroes of darwinism I first perceived them to be; I might also have seen the movies for horror and suspenseful terror, rather than the comedic morality plays I thought them to be.

Instead, these figures were each an evolutionary catalysts, leaving but a handful of well-meaning and intelligent or otherwise gifted individuals standing in their wake. More than that, they were hard-working and determined individuals, for whom failure was not an option.

I think these two were the people in my life who shaped me the most.

They gave me the attitude that leads me to stand up and do things again and again, no matter how hard I get knocked down – to push on for hours, days, weeks with little to no rest or personal time… and just when I think I have had enough, the phone rings – another impossible or improbable task – and I find myself wanting more.

I’ve finished games with broken bones, climbed ladders with disjointed knees, gone into work with an unmended arm and the intention of having it fixed after the clock struck “5”, spent days and days awake and standing or sitting in one place – waiting to put that one final stroke to the canvas or the final touch on thousands of lines of code.

I’ve taken the hardest emotional and financial hits anyone could ever imagine – one after the other, after the other for years longer than I feel most people could, and have always stood up to the challenge of digging myself out – the thrill of adversity… “Is that all you’ve got?” has been my life-long motto.

It seems am never truly happy unless there is a problem to be solved, a war to be won, a mission impossible. If I am ever truly happy, then I have seriously failed myself and those around me.

Contentment is a death to purpose, and purpose, is breathing’s only worthy defense.